James Corbett - And Now, A Public Service Announcement From the Ministry of Toothbrushes
James Corbett's Satirical Video Presentation to Liberty on the Rocks - Sedona - The Voluntaryism Conference
James Corbett, host of the Corbett Report, delivers a satirical presentation to Liberty on the Rocks - Sedona - The Voluntaryism Conference that pokes fun at the absurdity of centralized government planning. Using the fictional Ministry of Toothbrushes, he humorously explores the inefficiencies and absurdities that arise when the government controls even the most minor aspects of daily life. Corbett compares historical examples of central planning, including the Soviet Union’s attempts to regulate production down to the number of toothbrushes and coffins. He explains how such top-down control stifles innovation, limits choice, and leads to waste as government agencies attempt to dictate what people need. Corbett’s satire ultimately highlights the effectiveness of free markets and human cooperation. He questions the notion that essential services like security, dispute resolution, and infrastructure need government control, suggesting instead that individuals and communities can better manage these. This episode is both a humorous critique of technocratic governance and a thought-provoking exploration of voluntary alternatives.
Full Transcript
Welcome, everyone! I’m James Corbett of CorbettReport.com, coming to you from the sunny climes of western Japan this October 2024. This is Episode 468 of the Corporate Report podcast.
Now, let’s dive into today’s topic: An Announcement from the Ministry of Toothbrushes. Intrigued? Great! You’re in for a fantastic presentation. But before we get to that, let me provide some context about this presentation and its origins.
This is the presentation I’ll be sharing at the Liberty on the Rocks 2024 Voluntarist Conference, scheduled to take place in Sedona, Arizona, from November 1st to 3rd—just a week or two away. If you haven’t secured your tickets yet, you still can! Visit Sedona.org or OfLiberty.org for more information about the conference, the speakers, and how to purchase tickets.
If you’re near Sedona or the Arizona area, you can grab tickets to attend in person and experience the full event. Alternatively, virtual tickets are available, allowing you to stream the entire conference live from the comfort of your home.
And here’s a special bonus: if you purchase tickets for the conference, use the checkout coupon code CORBETT5 for a discount. Not only will you save some money, but a portion of your purchase will also go toward supporting my work—a true win-win for everyone. So, I’d greatly appreciate it if you used that coupon code!
Now, for more details, head over to Sedona.ArtofLiberty.org, where you’ll find everything you need to know about the event. The site provides information about the lineup of incredible speakers, including several past guests from CorbettReport.com, such as Larkin Rose, Etienne de la Boétie Squared, and Walter Block.
The theme of this year’s conference is centered on a classic question: "Yeah, but who would pave the roads? Who would provide this service? Who would do this thing if there was no government?" This thought-provoking idea serves as the organizing principle for the various talks at the event.
When Etienne de la Boétie Squared approached me to speak at this conference, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. The event promises to be an engaging and enlightening exploration of voluntarist principles, and I’m thrilled to be a part of it.
Unfortunately, I had to decline speaking in person at the conference, as I’ll be here in Japan. However, I’m thrilled to send this video presentation, which will be aired at the event. As I considered my contribution to the theme, I reflected on the profound work others, like Walter Block, have done—writing scholarly articles on questions such as “Who would build the roads without government?” and similar topics. So, what could I bring to the table?
Well, in true James Corbett fashion, I decided to flip the issue on its head and tackle it from a completely opposite perspective. What you’re about to see is my unique take on this topic, which is encapsulated in An Announcement from the Ministry of Toothbrushes. Trust me, it will all make sense soon enough.
Now, I’m going to play the full presentation for you here. Consider this both a sneak preview of the conference and a special gift for my regular viewers and listeners. As always, if this conference piques your interest, be sure to visit their homepage—I’ll include the link in the show notes. You can explore everything the event has to offer and decide if you’d like to attend.
To make the wait for the 2024 conference even more exciting, the Art of Liberty team has made the entire 2023 conference available for streaming. It’s a fantastic way to get a sense of what’s in store.
Without further ado, here’s my presentation for the Liberty on the Rocks 2024 Voluntarist Conference. Enjoy!
And now, an announcement from the Ministry of Toothbrushes.
Friends! Countrymen! Dentites!
Lend me your teeth. I am, as you well know, Floss Chompers, Overlord of the Ministry of Toothbrushes, and I come to you today with a great announcement—and a dire warning.
First, the announcement. With great glad tidings, I bring you joyous news about this year's toothbrush production quota. Not only will we meet the target of 57 million toothbrushes, but we will exceed that target. Yes, friends, I am unbearably proud to announce that this year, we will produce not 57 million toothbrushes, but 62 million toothbrushes! I will allow you a moment to process this wonderful news.
This monumental achievement is thanks to the tireless efforts of the diligent workers at the Ministry—and, of course, to the favor of Emperor Kamala Trump Kushner IV, from whom all blessings flow. No one shall be without a toothbrush during this long, dark winter of the mouth.
However, to achieve this incredible goal, certain compromises have had to be made. I understand that you’ve grown accustomed to choosing between a men’s toothbrush, a women’s toothbrush, or a child’s toothbrush. Some even claim there was once a choice between boys' and girls' toothbrushes, but those are silly rumors and should not be entertained.
There are also whispers that, in the distant past, people could buy toothbrushes in different colors. Let me be clear: such heresy will not be tolerated, and anyone caught propagating these falsehoods will be burned at the stake for even thinking them.
In the interest of meeting our ambitious production goals, the brilliant engineers at the Ministry of Toothbrushes have, after a painstaking year-long study, devised a single toothbrush—one that will suit everyone.
Yes, friends, today I am thrilled to unveil a true miracle of our glorious industrial age: Not A Toothbrush. Toothbrush!
The only toothbrush you will ever need! The only toothbrush you will ever use! In fact, the only toothbrush that will be available at the government store this year! So, without further ado, I present to you… Toothbrush!
Truly, this is an incredible feat of engineering. The designers assure me it is the perfect compromise to satisfy the tastes of everyone in the population—male, female, young, old. All can agree that this charming, pink, toothbrush-emblazoned toothbrush is the only toothbrush they will ever want.
And the best part? This year’s toothbrush is available at the usual, low price of 50 carbon credits. Remember: the less meat you consume, the more carbon credits you’ll have to purchase this marvel of oral ingenuity.
I know you’re all eager to rush out and buy this extraordinary innovation, but before you go, there’s something very important we need to discuss.
It has come to my attention that a certain heresy has crept into the public discourse—a crass blasphemy whispered in the shadowy corners of those dirty, back-alley, non-government-authorized coffee shops frequented by thought criminals and mental defectives.
Apparently, there are some who have dared to suggest—I can hardly bring myself to say it—that we do not need a government ministry to ensure the proper production of toothbrushes.
The very thought!
I know that most of you recognize this for what it is: utter nonsense, sheer lunacy, a notion to be dismissed without a second thought. But for anyone who, even for a fleeting moment, might entertain such a reckless idea, let me remind you of what life was like in the olden days—the before times.
Those dark days when people believed they did not need the government to dictate what they should wear, whom they should marry, what job they should do, or how many toothbrushes they needed. The chaos! The disarray! The anarchy!
Yes, I know these memories are painful to reflect upon now, as we bask in the joyful utopia of the all-pervasive United State of Global Technocracy, Inc., under the loving rule of Emperor Justin Castro, Ardern, Stalin VII (blessed be her name).
But reflect upon them, we must
We must be reminded that, once upon a time, there were those who believed they didn’t need a government to produce the officially approved Newspeak Dictionary. Imagine—a world without government officials to approve the font choice for corporate newsletters, to dictate the proper color for house paint, or to regulate the length of one’s hair. A world without a government ministry to ensure the production of toothbrushes!
Naturally, we know that such things could never be done—could never even be conceived—without the guiding hand of government. As the founding constitution of our glorious omnipresent state so poetically declares: "Without government, who would make the pencils or the toothbrushes?"
Just imagine private enterprise and free individuals deciding what to do with their lives—choosing their own haircuts, deciding when to go to sleep, pursuing hobbies of their own choosing, or (heaven forbid) selecting what kind of toothbrush to buy.
You know what that would be, don’t you?
Blood flowing in the streets! Cats marrying dogs! People deciding on their own toothbrushes!
No! Such chaos must never be countenanced, dear friends of the floss. And my loyal comrades, if you ever hear someone speaking such blasphemous nonsense, report them to the appropriate authority at once.
Rest assured, we here at the Ministry of Toothbrushes—well, let’s just say we have ways of dealing with such heretics.
Now that this unpleasantness is behind us, enjoy your new toothbrushes. Let us, as always, give thanks to the wonderful state manufacturers who make these miracles of modern engineering possible.
And now, before you proceed to purchase your toothbrush, please rise for our International Anthem.
Oh, OK, enough silliness.
James Corbett - Back to Real Life
No, I am not Floss Chompers, the overlord of the Ministry of Toothbrushes. I’m James Corbett, your humble host here at The Corbett Report on CorbettReport.com.
And yes, you’ve probably guessed it—this is satire. This is parody. This is reductio ad absurdum.
“Oh, I get it,” you might say. “James is using the obviously ridiculous idea of a government takeover of the design, production, and sale of toothbrushes to highlight the nonsensical nature of central planning itself. I mean, the notion that government would ever actually try to control toothbrush production is so far-fetched, it should prompt us to question the supposed need for government to take over the production of other goods and services—like adjudicating personal disputes or regulating food and medicine.”
And while that might seem like a reasonable conclusion…
You’re wrong.
You see, you might think the idea of a government attempting to control toothbrush production is ridiculous—stupid, silly, out-there satire. But I’m here to inform you that it is, in fact, stone cold reality.
Gosplan’s managers built a world that was simple, like a machine.
They planned the quotas for arrests by the KGB. They planned the production of coffins. They even planned the number of coffins needed in any given season. Let that sink in.
Now, the worst part is that, whatever people may think about the specifics of this "scientific" method of planning, the concept of central, top-down planning is, to most, just an extension of the type of planning we rely on every day in our lives.
Coffin manufacturers exist, and yes, they’re currently planning how many coffins to produce this year. Pantyhose manufacturers are planning the sizes, styles, and quantities of pantyhose they’ll make. Toothbrush manufacturers are doing the same for toothbrushes.
So, why deal with the inefficiency and waste of the messy free market? Why not just let the state handle it all?
Who cares if state planners get their calculations wrong now and then? They can adjust. Who cares if people can’t keep up with fashion? Fashion is irrational and irrelevant, right? People will simply accept the style of toothbrush that state planners determine is best—and they'll learn to like it. After all, it’s all in the name of the state.
Of course, we could talk about the fundamental failure of central planning versus the fundamental success of the free market, where individual businesses compete for people’s patronage. We could delve into Ludwig von Mises and the economic calculation problem:
"Without economic calculation, there can be no economy. Hence, in a socialist state wherein the pursuit of economic calculation is impossible, there can be, in our sense of the term, no economy whatsoever. In trivial and secondary matters, rational conduct might still be possible, but in general, it would be impossible to speak of rational production anymore. There would be no means of determining what was rational, and hence it is obvious that production could never be directed by economic considerations."
What this means is clear: apart from its impact on the supply of commodities, rational conduct becomes divorced from its proper domain.
Would there, in fact, be any such thing as rational conduct at all? Or indeed, such a thing as rationality and logic in thought itself? Historically, human rationality is a development of economic life. Could rationality exist if divorced from that economic foundation?
The operative question here is not “Who will build the roads?” but rather: “Where will they build them? When? With what materials? Why asphalt and not gold? Why build a road from A to B and not A to C, or D to L, or any other configuration?”
As Ludwig von Mises explains:
*"Picture the building of a new railroad. Should it be built at all? And if so, which, out of a number of conceivable routes, should be constructed? In a competitive and monetary economy, this question would be answered by monetary calculation. The new road will render less expensive the transport of some goods, and it may be possible to calculate whether this reduction of expense transcends that involved in the building and upkeep of the new line. That can only be calculated in money.
It is not possible to attain the desired end merely by counterbalancing the various physical expenses and physical savings. Where one cannot express hours of labor, iron, coal, building materials, machines, and other things necessary for construction and upkeep in a common unit, it is not possible to make calculations at all. The drawing up of bills on an economic basis is only possible where all the goods concerned can be referred back to money."*
This underscores a critical point: without monetary calculation, the foundation of rational decision-making crumbles. Without the ability to express diverse inputs in a common unit, planning becomes arbitrary, disconnected from the real needs and efficiencies that the free market naturally seeks to optimize.
Admittedly, monetary calculation has its inconveniences and defects. But as Mises aptly notes:
"We have certainly nothing better to put in its place, and for the practical purposes of life, monetary calculation, as it exists under a sound monetary system, always suffices. Were we to dispense with it, any economic system of calculation would become absolutely impossible."
All true, of course, and utterly devastating to the machine men with machine minds who lust after the perfectly ordered, meticulously engineered, centrally planned, socialist, technocratic utopia—where government eggheads plan every decision.
But that’s not quite the point I’m making today.
I could, for example, reference my favorite essay, Leonard Read’s “I, Pencil”, which brilliantly illustrates the sheer magnitude of human organization and cooperation required to produce even something as simple as a pencil. Read demonstrates how no central bureaucratic office could ever hope to itemize, let alone direct, the myriad of processes and resources involved.
A pencil isn’t just some raw materials magically acquired and assembled into a product. Its creation represents a vast web of decentralized human effort, ingenuity, and coordination—a process that functions only because of the spontaneous order enabled by the free market.
It’s cedar, graphite, candelilla wax, castor oil, zinc, copper, pumice, and a dozen other materials sourced from places like Oregon, Mississippi, Mexico, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Italy, and other far-flung corners of the globe. These materials are collected through various mining, logging, and production processes, then transported to multiple locations to be cut, kiln-dried, tinted, glued, treated, lacquered, vulcanized, and otherwise prepared before being assembled in a factory.
But it’s not just about those processes. It’s about the truckers, miners, loggers, factory workers, and all the people who supply their tools and equipment. It’s about the sailors, lighthouse keepers, truck manufacturers, hemp growers, farmers, and coffee bean pickers—the millions of individuals who facilitate these tasks.
It takes untold millions of human beings to make a pencil.
These people don’t know each other. They have no direct interest in acquiring a pencil themselves. Almost none of them even realize they are, in some way, contributing to the manufacturing of a pencil.
And yet, through their cooperation—or, more crassly, their self-interest—they play their roles in a vast, intricate, globe-spanning operation. The miracle of this production could never be directed by a single individual or planning group, no matter how ambitious or determined they might be.
And there it sits. A pencil. Or a toothbrush.
But that’s not quite the point I’m making today. No, my point is a more fundamental one.
Namely, we already live so much of our lives in anarchy. We already love, embrace, and accept that fact.
If Biden, Trudeau, Starmer, or any of their ilk came forward and proposed that the government dictate what time you wake up in the morning, what you eat for breakfast, or how many paperclips should be produced—or if they tried to regulate your exercise routine and how often you should do it—you would rightly laugh in their face and go back to living your life in anarchy.
We instinctively know that human beings are best left to their own devices to figure out the answers to the countless problems and questions that confront us every day.
Of course, people are flawed. They will make mistakes. They will make choices we might prefer they didn’t make. But that’s life. And sometimes, we’re wrong. Or, at the very least, our answer isn’t the only one.
Yes, sometimes people will make irrational decisions. Sometimes they won’t like a pair of pantyhose because it’s out of fashion. And only the most cold-blooded, psychopathic, anti-human technocrat could look at those inherently human thoughts, ideas, and feelings and decide that this is a "problem" requiring a solution from the state.
If almost everything we do is already lived in anarchy—beautiful, glorious anarchy, free from government oversight, regulation, or control—and if the thought of the government breaching that anarchy to dictate our hairstyles or determine toothbrush manufacturing is inherently laughable, then why is it so ridiculous to consider that the few things the government insists we absolutely need it to handle could not also be solved by the miracle of human cooperation?
The provision of security. The adjudication of disputes. The regulation of food and medicine. The defense of our communities.
One day, people will look back on those who believed government was essential for these things with the same mix of humor, bemusement, and derision we reserve for the Soviet-era technocrats who thought state planners were needed to decide how many toothbrushes to produce.
I look forward to that day, and I hope you’ll be there with me to enjoy it.
We’ll leave it here for today with the international anthem of the glorious state of Technocracy, Inc.: Everybody Wants to Rule the World.
But for now, let’s call it a day.
I am James Corbett of the Corbett Report here in the beautiful sunny climes of Western Japan.
Welcome to your life. There's no turning back. Even while we sleep We will find you acting on your best behavior Turning your back on Mother Nature Everybody wants to rule the world It's my own design It's my own remorse Help me to decide Help me make the
most of freedom and of pleasure Nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world.
About James Corbett
The Corbett Report is edited, webmastered, written, produced and hosted by James Corbett.
An award-winning investigative journalist, James Corbett has lectured on geopolitics at the University of Groningen’s Studium Generale, and delivered presentations on open source journalism at The French Institute for Research in Computer Science and Automation’s fOSSa conference, at TedXGroningen and at Ritsumeikan University in Kyoto.
He started The Corbett Report website in 2007 as an outlet for independent critical analysis of politics, society, history, and economics. Since then he has written, recorded and edited thousands of hours of audio and video media for the website, including a podcast and several regular online video series.
About Liberty on the Rocks Conference & The Art of Liberty Foundation
Is the biggest secret in American/ international politics that “government” is illegitimate, immoral and completely unnecessary? Voluntaryism, REAL Freedom, is the only moral political philosophy on the market. Every other political “ISM” including socialism, communism and constitutional republicanism, has a ruling class that has rights that you don’t have, an illogical exception from morality, and “voting” is so easily rigged by monopoly media, moneyed interests, and the organized crime “government” itself counting the votes with unauditable black box voting machines and mail-in ballots that it is, frankly, a joke to think your vote matters or will even be counted.
The Art of Liberty Foundation, a start-up public policy organization exposing the illegitimacy and criminality of “government” from a principled voluntaryist perspective, is also educating the public on the 2nd biggest secret: We don’t really need “Government”! In a Voluntaryist world of REAL freedom, all the legitimate, non-redistributive services provided by monopoly “government” would be better provided by the free market, mutual aid societies, armed protective service companies, arbitration providers, insurance companies, non-profits and genuine charities. The world would be much more harmonious and prosperous under REAL freedom! This year’s Liberty on the Rocks conference brought together some of the most respected economists, legal experts, political philosophers and academics to explain spontaneous order and how the free market would better provide everything from roads to military defense to air traffic control without the waste, fraud, abuse and extortion of monopoly “government.”
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